Memorable Massage Around the Mundo

#1 – Bagat. Uzbekistan

During my 2 years in Uzbekistan with the Peace Corp I had the occasion to travel in the country and to other countries when there was a break. When I was first stationed in Bagat, a small Agri village I inquired as to massage possibilities being the hedonist I am. I was referred to the local hospital. On arrival there was no reception and no one in sight. I started wandering the halls in this unkempt two -story, sort of white hospital. I saw no patients and finally came across a nurse? Receptionist? Patient?

To whom I attempted to explain my reason to be there. She directed me to a room and called for a doctor. Well here comes the doctor in a chefs tall hat. No, I wasn’t looking for dinner. It turns out this is the doctors uniform and what distinguishes him from other workers. Not sure what was under that tall puffy hat but it certainly added to his height. In fact. It about doubled it. He had to “examine” me in order to prescribe a massage. That done by having me turn around to show him my back. I am escorted to a large high-ceilinged nondescript room and instructed to undress and lay on the table over which had been placed a yellowing rough towel.

Once prepared, here comes the masseuse. Rouged up, red lipstick, mascara, dyed hair…I realized that most massage requests involved men and probably happy endings. This is a moslem country and though women don’t wear burkas, they do wear head scarves and long drab long-sleeved modest mumus of sorts.

Anyway, she started rubbing my back with very rough hands and no lotion or oil. I decided a back massage would be enough. I’ll attend to the happy ending myself.

This was one of the craziest worst massages I have had in my long life but it was memorable. In my attempt to pay I was told there was no charge as this was a medical facility. No wonder it was in such disrepair with little or no staff. Needless to say I didn’t repeat this during my stay in Bagat.

#2 Kathmandu – on an A&K tour? With my sister, Kathleen. We had heard that you need to make a reservation right away if you want a massage, as this was the center of the world for massages and training. We managed to get the last two massages…but they were Shiatsu. Not knowing what that entailed, I made my way to the massage room. I asked the young man how much I should undress and he said whatever. So, I left on my bra and pants. There was a mattress on the floor and I got a bit concerned as I lay there. He also climbed down and proceeded to manipulate me and cuddle me and move me around. It was pretty damn sensual. I had to warn my sister who said she appreciated the information because she didn’t know what she would do in the same circumstances. I’m not sure what she meant…..

#3 Istanbul – a Turkish bath. Soaped up by some large woman, sponged down, washed my hair and left me to relax on the humongous marble circular slab. I felt like a big baby.

#4 Brunei – it was Ramadan and the hotel was quite vacant. This, at the time, was the most expensively-built hotel in the world, by the Sultan’s playboy son. A big boondoggle. Also went to the museum in Brunei where gifts from world leaders were displayed. A stop on the way back from Borneo with John. A gold cart picked me up and drove me to the spa building. A woman from Bangkok was the masseuse. The room was quite lovely and she did a great massage…a standard deep tissue one.

#5 Bangkok – My first time in Thailand and headed to meet John in Singapore and then go to Borneo. This was in 2004 and I made my way from Uzbekistan to Bangkok. I stayed in the back-pack area and had great meals for $1-$3. I came across this upstairs spa and they could take me right away. The masseur started by washing my feet in rose petal water. Lovely. It was my second Shiatsu massage and I also got the hot rock treatment. Pretty damn good. Who knows if the shop is still there but it was off of back-pack alley. Funny stay as well. I didn’t have a reservation anywhere and found a room where I had to make my way up 3 flights. Also, I had to move after one day to a more street-view room as someone had booked the place. Went to the snake venom milking museum. Had a root beer at A&W. Yum.

#6 China – Yangksee River cruise – it seemed like I had a massage every day heading up to Chongching. Mostly foot massages. These little Chinese ladies were available at any time of the day and night and the cost was minimal. This was on a Nat Geo trip with Andrew…maybe 2006.

#7 Explora Argentina – what a beautiful place. This was an A&K trip with Patagonia and Buenos Aires. Just one other couple but boy were they weird. I think the husband was bi-polar or some such. Anyway, we tried to ignore them except when we were transported from place to place. The massage was in a non-attached building and also had a small indoor/outdoor pool. You could swim under the barrier and end up outside and then climb down a ladder and take a dip in the cold, cold water. I did not do that.

#8 Bhutan Como Park – OMG at the Aman Lodge? They arrive in a little golf cart with all the necessities. The fireplace is lit and towels are heated. Very trance-like and spoiling.

#9 Besete Lodge Rwanda – OMG again. This place is amazing. Only 8 or so lodges and they come to your room which has a fireplace. Of course, the scenery is amazing.

#10 Zambia – this massage should be #1. Booked with African Adventures. And my traveling partners were two German guys (Father and adult son). We had a great time and Olly was our guide. I started in Johannesburg and then to Zimbabwe, then to Zambia…and then onward to Botswana. The masseuse was just fantastic. I wondered what she was doing in such an out-of-the-way place. I think she’s most likely moved on by now. The lodge on the Zambezi was run by a Brit and we had tea and conversation in the evening. My traveling partners met me here prior to our Botswana journey.

#11 Scoura (Morocco) – Huh? Must have been great, as I have no particular memory of it. Probably sleeping.

#12 Ischia – with Mary at a spa. Mario, a friend from Rome, came with us but because of the expense, just went to the beach which was free. This place had pools of every kind that you could enjoy…all located on a slope and hidden away. Hot pools, cold pools, foot pools, large pools, cave pools, etc. What fun! We each booked a massage and they were adequate…Swedish type I would say even though I asked for Deep tissue.

#13 Thailand again – with Andrew on our way to Bhutan? Took a boat across the river to the massage facility. Extremely large rooms and well-equipped. The masseuse was tiny but managed to get under my skin.

#14 Krakow – my neck was incredibly stiff and stuck. It may have been from a fall that I took on an escalator in Lisbon a few months ago. Not sure. Anyway I was with an A&K group of 15 and we stayed at the Copernicus Hotel. Lovely. I booked a neck/back-foot massage at their spa with Monica. After explaining my plight with her and my desire for a deep massage she got to work. It’s one of my best experiences with results. She paid attention to my neck and back and surrounds (including arms and hands) and then got to work on my feet and lower legs. She knew her stuff and my neck was 90% better. The spa itself was lovely with an indoor pool that I was going to take advantage of but was so relaxed, I just went to bed. Delightful.

#15 Lisbon 5 times, 2 masseurs – one masseur was actually a chiropractor and I tried him twice. The first time was not bad but the table was basically a doctor’s table. Narrow and uncomfortable. I tried the second time but he was occupied with a patient and barely touched me. Eventually I found a real masseur and have gone to him several times. The bonus is that it is right around the corner from my apartment. I usually get a full body massage but now that I had a back and foot massage in Krakow I’m thinking that might be best. Don’t waste my time on legs and arms and face or butt. This place also has a steam and sauna and a small gym. For the price of a massage ($85) you get a month’s membership and can use the facilities.

#16 Sicily w/Kathleen – a side by side massage. Her moaning with pleasure and me disappointed with my masseuse. I’ll have what she’s having!

#17 Costa Rica – on a vacation with my brother and Sharon, niece and nephew, and Andrew. After canyoneering, zip-lining, horseback riding, hiking, I was ready for a massage. We had rented a house on the west coast and there was a spa just a hundred yards from us. We all booked a massage. The massage rooms were just separated by gauze curtains and a breeze gently wafted through the structure. The massage was adequate but the atmosphere was soporific. They also had some lovey products for purchase. I, however, missed the monkeys that came to play on our deck back at the house. A small price to pay.

#18 – Azores – took a taxi (Graciosa) around the island and had him come back for me in the afternoon. The usual swimming hole set-up was there with a cement beach and lava rocks. The spa was pretty sparse and the massage was not memorable. They did have a indoor salt water pool which I used. There’s really not much to do in the Azores…maybe hiking…but that’s about all. I recommend the larger islands: San Miguel, perhaps. Unless you really want to get away. The house I stayed in had a lovely view and room for many. They also had a cute donkey and pigs. I walked into the little town one day but it was practically empty. The only way around was to use a taxi. Since I wasn’t using my cell, I set up schedules with my favorite taxi driver to pick me up at certain times. Seemed to work fine.

# 19 Namibia – At the Strand Hotel in Swakopmond. Immaculate (her name) gave me an excellent massage. Right up there with Zambia. She had really strong hands and seemed to know where my tension was. Went right for my sore hip. So delightful and helpful. And inexpensive to boot.

#20 Seychelles/Zanzibar – TBR – to be remembered

#21 – Algeria – At Constantine Marriott hotel – Booked a Swedish massage for an hour. Took advantage of the Hammam and pool. The massage was excellent and just the right firm pressure. Around $57 for an hour. She did my belly and front side as well, minus the tatas and my face which I haven’t had done in a long time. Very nice. I’m thinking of finding someone (probably a woman) to give me this more complete type of massage.

# 22 – Algeria – At El Oued la Gazelle d’Or Resort & Spa – Beautiful spa in separate building opposite the pool. Huge lobby under a dome. To the left a large indoor pool. To the right the spa rooms and massage. Middle aged woman who really paid attention to my request for a deep massage particularly on my back and neck. Catherine (a co-traveler) had gone before me and said it was a bit light and they did more scalp work. So I was very specific and it helped. Climbed up on the table to get her elbows into my wings and back. Very good and $57 for 45 minutes. Recommended.

# 23 Tunis – At Dar el Jeld in the Medina – Beautiful hotel and excellent service. Medina is very lively with good shopping. Bought my painting here at antique store of 5 floors right next to Mosque.

Had a Hammam experience here. Steam bath, soaped up, and scrubbed with loofah. Hour massage. A bit noisy with three women chatting away. Asked her to close door. She did. Good massage for what I needed and the facilities were lovely. I do wish they wouldn’t make you wear those dumb panties

# 24, etc. Heading to Western Australia…will fill you in later